rewind

sometimes it's necessary to look at where you've been to get a since of direction on to where you should go. so this morning i did some major stalking of the younger version of me & i find myself missing myself. As i read old prayer journals and ever stalked my old myspace that i cannot delete i see a girl who was fighting against the world and winning. I remember the days when there was a dollar in my wallet and i was stoked because i still could buy a slushie on the way to school, knowing that God would provide and even if He didn't all was well. I remember packing up my car and driving all over the state to see friends i cherish and staying up til i couldn't stand being awake a second longer. I miss the carefree side of me. Not that i am a worrier now...not even in the slightest (maybe the slightest slightest) I just remember living life in a different manner. I know that it's the process of growing up but i never want to lose my child like wonder of the world. I find myself to be very cynical that anything good will just come about. Where is the fun in thinking that way? Life is hard enough to live without dreams and wonder. Call me a Peter Pan believer but i do believe that part of use should never grow up. Bobby and i were talking on the way home last night about how i still sometimes get kids meals because they still make me happy like they did when i was a kid. Lately i have been so uneasy about the money or lack there of that's invades my life. I dont want to be the kind of person that is always worried about money. Especially since its so temporary and the more you get the more you want and the more you are never satisfied. God will provide because He has a really good track record of doing so. A track record that is way better than mine of worrying about things. I know that in growing up i will change many times. I just feel like i let my younger self down a little by becoming the me i am today. I feel as if i might have killed the kid in my a little more than i intended. 
So for that a tribute of the days of living without a care: